Orion Rising

« Spring and All | Main | Moments of Glad Grace »

June 18, 2005

Balance

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Our recent weather has continued to challenge any ideas we might have had of spring. Hot, humid days gave suddenly way to cool, wet days with frequent rain, at one point so violent that the lupines in our yard were all broken in half. I, for one, am waiting for the weather, and the season, to find its voice.

I received my first Father's Day card yesterday. For me, Father's Day has always been about my father, and it's still a challenge to see myself in that role. The card I got from my parents superimposes the following from Camus over a photograph of a cairn of smooth river stones: "But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"

At times, and particularly of late, this precious, precarious harmony, shaped by time and shepherded by the love and support of others, nonetheless remains out of reach. Camus might well appreciate the Sisyphean potential in stacking water-worn stones, much as he might have an erudite (though ultimately futile – tout c’est absurde, non?) response to the challenge of balancing writing, thinking, loving, living, being -- all as a father.

These stones do not always sit solidly together.

As I prepare to leave Jen and Orion for a conference next week, I already find myself missing them, as though my mind has been elsewhere, perhaps preparing for other responsibilities. Fortunately, I am here yet, and in this moment, as Orion sits on my lap while I type, I can lean over, kiss his head and thank him for reminding me what it means to love, live, and be on this, our first Father's Day together.

Posted by pavel at June 18, 2005 7:43 PM

Comments

Posted by: Gina at June 19, 2005 7:03 AM

Posted by: Rurality at June 22, 2005 4:15 PM

Posted by: Melinda at June 24, 2005 7:20 PM